Sunday, December 23, 2007 6:00 AM

I’ve never expected this day to turn out as it did. But nevertheless, somehow I’m thankful it actually happened.

This place is not new to me. For the past year and a half, stories of my life had been written within the confines of this vicinity. I’ve uttered subtle cries that only walls could hear. I’ve battled out desperations moreso frustrations that no one else would ever want to feel. I’ve also made friends who had been my pillars of strength whenever I get weary. But on the contrary, I’ve also shunned people who’d desperately pull you down out of their envy.

The year that had passed had really been different for my family. It was the only Christmas and New Year that my family had not been whole. It was the only Christmas Eve that we didn’t enjoy the company of a dad. It was the only New Year’s Eve that I had to celebrate only with my siblings. It was really poignant having to experience such kind of mishap in life but despite that I kept my guts at will and armed myself to fight ‘coz I do believe my family badly needs me now more than ever.

Several people had also touched our lives during our stay in this community. Our doctor had been immensely great! He never left us in whatever course of action that we were about to take. He had been so supportive in this fiercest battle that we are to surmount. He had been the torch that made our wills burning to win this fight. He threw jokes to keep our hopes up. He never failed to draw smiles on our faces though we we’re amidst the most grueling and painstaking part of our very lives.

July 17, 2007.. It was the last day I had my feet walking around that vicinity; for that same day my dad finally decided to puff out his last breath. That’s how tragic the place was for us and since then, I never intended to go back.

But I guess not until today. Finally after 5 months, my cousin who happens to be a head nurse in that same hospital invited me to attend their annual X’mas Party. And since I’m also about to go some place along that vicinity, I decided not to refuse her invite.

Seeing the place had felt really queer for me. I just don’t know why. And when I finally had my foot landed on its ground, a really gloomy feeling suddenly enveloped me. When I got in the lobby, an urge from within dragged me to wander around the ward where we had previously stayed. And while walking my way to that said ward, I felt as if my dad was still there earnestly waiting for me to arrive; that my dad was so eager to see me after a very very long while. I finally got infront of the said ward; it was still the depressed ward it had been before. But despite that, it was now decorated with lots of Christmas decors to eat up the deadly ambiance that was relentlessly emanating from it. I popped the chemo room open wondering if I could spot a doctor I’ve been friends with but surprisingly, I’ve not been able to see any of them. Even the patients who go in and out of the ward were all new. I believe no one of them has been part of my dad’s batch. This made me then realize that so many things had already changed since we left. And that everything is perfectly different now.

Nonetheless, I don’t regret going back to that hospital for somehow it had made me feel whole. Being in the place where my dad had been before had somehow made me feel his presence. And I believe that’s perfectly significant most especially during this time of the year.. 4 days to go and it’s already Christmas. I’m perfectly happy ‘coz I feel that he’s now back here with me. ; )